Tracing Backwards
by aurora91
Summary: A series of drabbles/very short stories tracing the life of Lily and James Potter backwards through time.
1. Final Glances

The last time Lily and James Potter looked into each other's eyes was on October 31, 1981.

They hadn't had time to think, let alone grab their wands, when Voldemort attacked, and upon instinct James told his wife to take their son and run. She gathered Harry in her arms and headed up the stairs, turning around for one final glance at her husband. But instead of seeing his back headed towards the door, she was caught in his eyes, and he in hers. That final moment they shared together wasn't filled with fear or panic: instead, it was filled with courage and love, a love that neither one of them was ever fully able to understand.

After what seemed to be an eternity, he broke their gaze; and as she stood on the stairs and watched him turn towards the front door, she knew, right there and then, that if she could have done it again, she wouldn't have had it any other way.


	2. Trapped

Lily was staring at page forty-three in her book, as she had been for the past twenty minutes. She was lost in her thoughts about the situation they were in. She'd stopped counting the days they'd been in hiding, and begun longing for the days when they could be free again. She didn't long those days for herself, though; she longed them for her boys.

Harry wasn't old enough to understand that he was in hiding, and there was enough for him to do that every day was a new adventure. James, however, was old enough to understand everything that was going on, but young enough that he needed adventure in his life.

James was getting restless, and she could tell; the fire in his eyes had died some time ago. She knew he wanted nothing more than to escape outside for a few minutes, to tempt the prophecy, to feel a rush. She wanted nothing more than for him to do those things, but both of them knew that he couldn't.

She looked away from her book towards her boys. Harry was flying around on his toy broomstick, and James was chasing after him with that goofy grin she loved so much. She started to laugh, and James stopped to look at his wife. His goofy grin softened to a delicate smile.

"I love you Lily."

"I know you do, James."

His smile transformed back into a goofy grin, "Just thought I'd remind you, is all."

Lily turned back to her book, and turned the page.


	3. Lost in the Silence

It was still dark outside when James Potter woke up. He had rolled over to find the spot where his wife usually lay empty, and woke in a complete state of panic. He grabbed his wand from his bedside table - he and Lily had grown accustomed to sleeping with them nearby - and began searching the house.

It was silent. Usually the absence of noise was a reassurance to the Potter family, but since his wife and son were nowhere to be found, the silence kept James trapped in that state of panic he awoke in.

He ran his hand over his face and wondered how he could have let this happen. He'd been sleeping next to her all night, and he hadn't felt her leave. He never heard Harry's screams, despite listening to them for over a year: he'd failed as a father and a husband.

And then he heard a creak in the nursery. He crept towards the door, keeping his wand at the ready, and opened it slowly.

There he saw his wife and son sitting in the rocking chair in the corner. Harry was curled up on Lily's chest, and they had both fallen asleep. He leaned against the doorframe and watched them sleep. He loved the way Lily and Harry's breathing had synced together, and how Harry's body seemed to be lost in Lily's arm. What he loved most, though, was that even though both their eyes were closed, he could tell they were the same.

He stood there, lost in the silence, and watched them sleep. Maybe he'd suggest moving Harry's cradle into their room tomorrow, but for now he was content to watch the two people he loved most in the world rest.


	4. Unknown Truth

James stood behind Lily, cradling her in his arms, and they both were looking down into Harry's crib. He was sleeping, and they were whispering.

"We did good, Lil."

"Yeah... we did."

They remained silent for a while, the empty space between them saying the things they couldn't.

"Do you... do you think it was right bringing him into the world when there's this war going on? I mean, having him trapped inside and raising him in all this danger... is that really fair to him?" Lily asked as she took her husband's hand.

James thought carefully. "I don't know, Lil. I do know, though, that he won't get hurt."

Lily turned to look at James, tears beginning to form in her eyes, "But how?"

He kissed her forehead and stroked her hair, "Because... he has you as a mother. Nothing can hurt him as long as you're here."

Little did he know that he was absolutely right.


	5. Laughter

Lily Potter stood at the sink doing dishes, while James and Harry were playing in the other room. She was enjoying the silence, when all of a sudden she heard a gagging noise, and James saying, "Harry, that is just gross."

She turned to see James walking into the kitchen, covered in vomit, and wearing a devious smile.

"Lily, how about a hug."

"James, no, that's disgusting."

"Oh, come on Lil, it's just a hug!"

She took the nozzle from the side of the sink and held it up as a weapon, "James, come near me and I'll spray you with this."

"Dare you."

She took his dare, but instead of his face getting angry, his smile grew wider, "In my defense, you started it." And with that he began chasing her around the room.

"James, no! No, stop!" But it was too late because he'd already caught her from behind. "James!" But instead of screaming she was laughing; partly because she found the situation humorous, and partly because James was tickling her and kissing her neck.

Baby Harry clapped his hands and laughed.


	6. Letter Writing

Lily put down her quill; she had just finished writing a letter to Sirius. She wondered how he must feel, being able to wander outside, breathe fresh air, actually see people... She wondered if they'd ever get out of the house, if this war would ever be over, if they could ever live a normal life again?

If hiding was even going to make a difference...

She began folding the letter, and she let her mind wander back to the time when she could take Harry to the park without fear, she and James could go out to dinner and not worry, she and her family could sleep without waking up in a cold sweat: live her life with ease! Well... more ease than now, at least.

She put the letter in an envelope, enclosed a picture of Harry and James, sealed it, and began writing an address. She stopped midway and marveled at the simple act of writing a letter. Sure, they'd had to be more careful when sending and receiving letters, but this was one aspect of her life which had remained constant despite their going into hiding: this was her family's way to keep connected to the outside world, and it with them.

She left the letter on the desk, making a mental note to send it off later, and went to find her boys. Harry was sleeping in his crib, and James was sitting in the rocking chair nearby, reading.

After a while, James looked up and smiled at his wife, "Oh, how the tables have turned."

"Excuse me?"

"I recognize that look; it's the one I used to give you when you were studying in the library."

She scoffed at him.

"No, really! I used to hide behind the bookshelves and stand the same exact way you're standing right now."

"James, really."

"Did I really look like such a fool?"

She smiled, and went over and kissed him. He pulled her down into his lap, and held her in his arms. They stayed that way for quite a while. Lily was glad this part of her life had remained consistent as well.


	7. Blurred

The time they'd spent in hiding had passed by like a blur. It wasn't that the time had flown by, it was just that the days had begun to blend together.

Their daily routine had become mechanic: wake up, greet the day, feed Harry, feed themselves, change Harry, clean up around the house, make lunch, play with Harry, set Harry down for a nap, catch up on their reading, play with Harry again, make dinner, go to bed. Occasionally James and Lily would find time to spend with one another like they did at Hogwarts, or to spend by themselves like they did when they weren't married, but those were rare moments. In other words, nothing of importance or excitement had happened.

James thought to himself, "The last time I made love to my wife was the day before we'd gone into hiding. It wasn't planned like that, of course: going into hiding was a spur of the moment thing. Sirius had taken Harry for the day, and Lily and I had spent the day exploring Muggle London, and then exploring each other that night. And ever since we went into hiding... I just haven't put in the effort to make our lives as exciting as they used to be."

From that moment on, James made a promise that he'd love his wife exactly how he used to... maybe he'd start by reminding her of the way he used to look at her while they were in school...


	8. Their First Night

It all looked different now.

They'd woken up that morning, eaten breakfast as usual, and waited until Sirius dropped Harry off before greeting the day.

"Was he good for you, Sir?" Lily asked as she opened the door.

Sirius handed the baby over, "Oh, he's just like his father."

"So he was terrible?"

He merely shrugged his shoulders, "You have to remember, Lily, that James and I actually got along when he was younger, unlike yourself."

"Yeah, Lil, sometimes people found my boyish charm irresistible!" James said as he came to the front door. "Sirius, would you like to come in?"

"Unfortunately I can't: Order Business. Speaking of which," he said as he pulled out a letter, "Dumbledore asked me to give this to you."

"Any idea what's in it?" James asked as he took the letter.

"Not a clue, but it seems important." And with that, he turned and was gone.

Lily and James headed back inside with their son, and read the letter together. Soon after, Albus Dumbledore arrived to set up the protective wards. He then came inside, wished everyone well, and left.

Lily and James had watched in silence as their lives were turned around. They were in the same house, wearing the same clothes, and were the same people... but everything was different. And when they went to sleep that night, they finally came to understand that this was the first night marking their lack of freedom.

The coming weeks were the same way.


	9. Their Last Night

"So I'll see you two lovebirds tomorrow?" Sirius asked as he took Harry from Lily.

"Yes. Please take care of him?"

"Don't worry, Lily. We're going back to my place, and there we will stay until we come back here. I promise."

"Sirius."

"I promise!"

Lily laughed, "Alright. Bye Harry, and thank you, Sirius."

She closed the door and turned to face her husband, "So, are you going to tell me where we're going?"

"Oh, but that ruins the fun!"

She sighed and took his hand, and they turned on the spot. They then spent the day exploring the shops in Muggle London, spent the afternoon by the water, and took in a movie after dinner.

"This," Lily said, as they arrived home, "has been the most perfect day."

James put his arm around his wife and said, "I think I've seen better."

"Alright, _one_ of the most perfect days... and I know how to make it better."

A little while later they found themselves slightly breathless at the foot of their bed. They looked into each other's eyes, really looked, and stayed that way for a very long time.

"This," Lily thought, "was the first time since Harry had been born that they looked in each other's eyes like this."

And they fell asleep that way, looking into each other's eyes, enjoying their unknown last night of peace.


	10. Pacing

James was pacing in the kitchen. He was waiting for Lily to come home from a mission for the Order. It was a mission they'd been on together, but Dumbledore had told James to get home.

_They were screaming at the top of their lungs amidst a great battle._

"_James, get out. Now!" _

"_No, Dumbledore, I'm fine. You need my help!"_

_Dumbledore dodged a jet of green light and pulled James into shelter, "I know you're fine, but I also know that you have someone to live for; someone you need to live for," he glanced over at James' wife, who was dueling gracefully against three Death Eaters, "but I'm not talking about Lily, James. I'm talking about a young boy who much resembles yourself."_

_James nodded, but looked back towards his life._

"_Don't worry, James, I'll get Lily back as soon as I can. But Harry needs you. Go, now!"_

_James turned on the spot._

And here he was. He had picked Harry up from Bathilda's almost two hours ago, and since then the three month old had done nothing but sleep. James would check up on him ever so often, but he was more preoccupied in his pacing.

He continued pacing for what seemed like an eternity, and he couldn't keep his mind from wandering to all the horrible things that could be happening to his wife. He wiped his face, realized he was crying, and went to the sink to wash it. When he was done, he looked up and saw his wife coming up the walkway through the window.

"James! I went to Bathilda's and Harry wasn't there, and I was so worried. But then she finally remembered that you'd come by a few hours ago to get him. I swear, she's gone a little loopy; she nearly gave me a heart attack... James, why are you looking at my like that?"

James stood silent at the sink. He was giving his wife a hard, long look. She walked over to him and tried hugging him, but he pushed her away.

"Lily, I can't do this. I can't have you fighting with me at home, not knowing where you are. You can't fight anymore."

She gave him a look of disgust, "Oh, so you're playing that card. You're going to tell me that because I'm the woman I can't fight; that _I'm_ going to be the one waiting at home, pacing and worrying. No I don't think so James. I knew you were arrogant in school but I genuinely thought you had changed."

"Arrogance? You think this is arrogance. Lily, I don't know how to be a single parent! I don't know anything about the shopping, or the cooking, or anything. I don't know how to heat Harry's baby bottle properly: if I did it he'd burn his tongue. And then I wouldn't know how to make him feel better! I don't know the songs you sing to him when he's going to bed... I can't even sing! I just... I... Lily, I can't do this without you here with me. I can't live without you."

She looked at her husband for a while, and then gingerly walked her way into his arms. "James, I can't live without you either. But I can't wait at home while you fight. I need to be there with you, protecting you... and with you protecting me. We made the decision to marry into a war, and to bring a child into it, so we need to live with the consequences. We fight together, and we live together."

"But you were off fighting for another three hours. That's three hours where I wasn't living with you: that was three hours where you could have been dead. I can't do that, not again."

She looked up into his eyes, and she kissed him. She didn't know what to say that would make him happy, since she knew that whatever she said would make him worry, so kissing him seemed like the most logical response. And he kissed her back, which made her think he understood what she was trying to say.

Baby Harry slept very soundly that night, sandwiched in between his Mom and Dad.


End file.
